Quick To Be Slow

We were taught as children: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.  So not true.  Words have hurt me.  Even more so, I learned how I could hurt somebody else with my words.  Later in life I also learned spoken words cannot be taken back - it’s like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube.  However, damaging words are not merely spoken or written down these days.  They can be put out on the internet for everyone in the world to see.

Imagine all your words, written and spoken, or even though, just floating in space and anyone can see them, or read them, or download them, and then use them against you.
 
For the early church and beyond, for those who have read or heard the words of James, and perhaps more importantly for us today, the words of James 1.19 are to be heeded.

Sometimes – ok, most times – we operate in the opposite direction.  We are quick to be angry, quick to speak, and slow to hear, or to really listen.  Sometimes we are not even really listening.  While the words are coming out of the someone’s mouth, I can literally sense myself coming up with an answer, a defense, an excuse – I have stopped listening.

I am discovering that my default is often to defend myself – protect myself – it seems like second nature.  Sometimes that is a good default button.  It’s why I duck and cover when a bee flies around my head.  However, in order to have healthy conversations, even uncomfortable conversations, and critical conversations, my default needs to be leaning fully into what the other person is saying, listening to their perspective, hear their story, and trust that God will protect and guard my heart, soul and mind.  I also need to ask God to be reflected in my physical position, the look on my face, my posture, for my physical presentation can often speak louder than words.

What we need today in the church, in the family, in relationships in the community is a greater ability and discipline to listen before we react or respond.  And, when I say listen, I mean to be sure we understand what the other person is saying, why they are saying it, where it comes from, and even validate what they are expressing, whether or not we can fully agree with them.  We may not agree with them, but it doesn’t mean that what they are sharing, what they are feeling, what they are expressing is not valid: it is their perspective, their story, their experience, and yes, their opinion.  PEOPLE WANT TO BE HEARD.

We may have to agree to disagree – but we also make room for grace and peace and mercy and love in the middle of it all – otherwise the damage can be irreversible.